(Deer Sandy Claws - houR ledder gotted malEd but itt Kamed bak 4 Sum Reezun. WhuTz PostIdge?)

Deer Sandy Claws,

Dis iz Sarah de Luvley.

Eye notised dat yew scented back mie ledder last yeer un-openned, ann eye guessy dat yew did dat 'cawse mye righting was sew badd. Sew dis yeer not onlee am I sew beautifull dat it hurties - which meens dat yew should bringey mee alla de prezents at de north poley, in kase ewe wurrent paying attenshun - butt eye tooked a righting coarse on de compuster sew dat ewe wood opin mie ledder 'n reed itt. Obi & eye eben ran de ledder under de spill checkerer sew dat ewe kin reed it reel eesily (butt it gotted lotsa stuffies rong) :-)

Now cents eye yam sew beautiful dat it hurts, ewe shud bringey mee lots 'n lots 'n lots ov toys, 'n chikken, 'n bouncey balls, 'n bakon, 'n kongs, 'n hamburgers, 'n squeeky toys, 'n porkey choppies, 'n pull toys, 'n beef jerkey, 'n a new hedgy-hog toy, 'n foode, 'n ... did i menshun lotsa treets?

While eye half ben reel gud dis yeer, it hazzent bend reel eezy. Obi made me attak him a hole buncha times, 'n he made me chue up mommie's glasses 'n her house-shoe, too! It was all Obi's fault. Obi also made me slip out threw de in-vissy-bull fents around de yardey 'n go off onna advenshur. Won day he also made me poop in de hallweigh. Obi eben made me be reel meen 2 hymn severul times, 'n he makes me BARKBARKBARK almos ebery knight. Likke eye sed, it's all Obi's fault. Udderwise eye half beena purfekt angel 'n eye shud get alla de prezents in de hole worl. Specially pleeze take Obi's stuffed man aweight frum him an hidey it in mie Kratey. Caws I likey it a lott! 'n he dozent desurve it, caws Ime sew wunderfool 'n purfek.

(P.S., iffen eye donte getty eberythimg eye have asked sew nisely for, yure gonna be reel sorree. Yew no doze 2 rain-dears dat ure missing? Well when eye get alla mie toys 'n treats 'n stuff, ewe mite gittem bak.)

Won moar thingey: eye also wante mie own frigerastor fulla cutted up kows an piggies an chikkens an turrkeez, 2.

Oh yeah, pease on Urth 'n lub 'n all dat junk.

Your luvley fren in,
  De wunderfool 'n perfek
    Sarah de Luvely

DeEr SanDy ClaWs,

Eye probbly oughtta apolOgize aBought lass year. Eye haDDa Go OUTside 2 goe PottY 'n EyE diddEnt sea ewe Kum In. SeW whIn EyE caMed baKK inSidey, eYe diDdent no U wuZZent a BuRGulaR.... Sorta' likEy mie DaDDy Merlin Didd a KuPPle uv timez. EyE DiddEnt MeeN 2 HurteY you likE dat (buTT on de uddEr hand, ur bOOt shUre wuz Fun 2 chue on ... soRRee). I Sended U a Getty-wEll kaRd, 'n eYe hoPe ur Toze aRRent BroakIn InnY moore. EyE PRoMMis knOt 2 Dew Dat aggin. ReeLy.

i DonTe nkEad iNNy toyze dis yeer - miE hoOmans R sew Funny dat Dey Keep me laFFin allah de time innyweigh. BuTT i kneed sum helpy 4 Sarah. Sheee is Geddin sew bossee dat iTs hard 2 due mutch sTuff wiffout habbin hur Barkey. SeW iffen u kud bringey hur sumpthing dat shEe likies sew muTsch dat ShEE stopPies barKin 4 a Fue MinnIts, dat wud be nise.

IffEn ewe hab inny leftOber toYz affter u brIng alla De Toyze 2 de Gud Airedale Gurrlz 'n BoYs, miE Nyla-tuG got bRoKened, and itz loSted now, sew a nue won wood be reel nise. Or mAybe a Extra flease man liKe mIne sew dat I Kin GIb minE 2 Sarah, kawz sHEe reely likies it a LOT.

Finnly iffEn it iZZent 2 muTsch Trubble, Sarah 'n EyE would REELY likE a new Airedaley puBBee 2 play wif. Denn, wee kud tEech it alle sortsa Neet Triks 'n stuff, 'n Sarah wooDent havta grIpey allah de time bout halving 2 PlaY wiff Me.

Ewe bEE Relly KaRefOOl 2niGht - Ime LEEvin U BEEf JErKey 'n ChEEzAE SnaUsaGes on De ManTul alOnG Wiff SuM KaRRoTs four De Rain-DeaRz ('n EyE WoNTE biTey dem Diss YeeR - EyE PRomiSS.)

Ur PaL,
  Obi
(Obidiah Doo-Dah Dale)