DeeR SanDy ClaWs,

Dis iz ObI. Eye haZ 2 riGhte U bekaWz mIe daDDy MeRlin soRta gotted reel siKkk 'n diDe 'n MoMMy Sarrrrah sEd dat rightin doWne de SaNDy ClaWs lEddEr wUz de buoy ADT's jObb. SeW eYe Gottened a PenSill 'n Sum PaPPer 'n Eated boff of dem, deNn I got sum Moar 'n started all Ober.

Eye half Beened a verRy guD ADT pubbee Dis Yeer, 'n havvent pOOped in de housey alla de yeeR. OaR peed dat eYe kin bremember. dE Onlee ThinGey dat haz beenEd a pRobLim is Dat eye LUV 2 DIG DIG DIG DIG DIG. iMe woRkin ona Nue Gram Kanyun 4 de Eass Koast, 2!

'N eYe ProMMisEz NUt 2 BaRkEy aT u 'n De REiGn DeeRz diS YeeR - Not lIk las YeeR.

Inny wEigh, sense eYe hav BeenEd reeL gud, 'n sEnse my daDDy MerLin goTTened a sQueAkey hedGy-HoGgy (naMed RALPH) wHenn hee wUz Gud, I'd LiKEy won, 2! A BIG won. 'n mEbbe suMma doze puPPy KooKies lIk wUz ON De Airdale HomEy liss las YeeaR - deY SounDes Reel yUmmmy.

BuT moS imPoaRtinT, plEEze hElpY mOmmEE SaRah 2 stoPp bein sew BossY alla De Teim. See, b4 hE WenTed aWeigh, DaDDy MerLin toLe me 2 watChey out 4 dat, an *NOT* 2 let hEr geT de uppEr handdddddddddddddddddddddddddddd (sorree, MiE toe got stuked in de keybroad). SeW iffEn u Kud Help her NoT 2 be sew boSSy, mebbe she kud get a LiDDle hAppIerer - daT wud Be de Bes pReZent uv all.

ThanKey Ewe,

YouR FrIendEy in At LanTah,
           Obidiah Doo-Dah Dale

dEEr Sandy ClAws,

SensE I yam Sarah, U all reddy no daT eye half been sew verry, verrry beauTifool al Yeer - an SeW kute dat it hurts - dat eYe deSerF allA de ToYes n PreZents dat eWe kin KaRRee in Ur slay. I alReddY faxEd u miE lEddeR las Month - u ProBabLee member dAt de heLpey-Desk Elf had 2 geT me 2 Fax paGiz 42-56 aGin whIn uR masChine Runned OuTTa pappEr.

WhILest eYe dOnTe WanT u 2 ThinK dat ime PiGGy (de Few ThinGies on De LeDDer shUd Be SuFFicienT - See PaGiZ 31-57 In PArTikuLer) I Wud LiKE 2 ChanGey suMthIn.

I DoNTe WanTey nO ChIkkENz aFtEr All. BRiNGey sum ShrImPeys INSted. De taStey rEEl guD - ebeN BedDer daN ChiKKen. U Kin PUTTem in dE FrEEzEr UR BrIngIn mEE oAr De MEET LoKKerEr THinGey. NeX 2 De Pool oR De KaR uR BRiNGin Mee.

Oh yeah, 'n pLeeZe maKe ObI deW WhuT eyE teLl hyMn 2! He DuZZenT ReaLize daT eYe yam de AlFa. He JeS IGnoReZ me liK dum OlE MuRlin Used 2 (aT LeAsT hE DozEnt puT MiE hEd in HiS mOuf WhEn I attack ... er, ah, diSaGREe wIf him).

SeW bRinG a GuD MUZZel Wif U 'n PuT iT oN hymn sew dAt hell haVta Dew WhuT EyE teLLey him 2 Or Eltse.

Oh yeah, don'te forgetty to leebe mee sum milk 'n kookies buy de chimbnee. 'N bRinG Obi SuMThin, 2, buT IT DozEnt maDDer whUt it Iz.

ThE 'n PErFeKt, SwEEt-TemPerEd, lUVley, aDoaRabUl, Be-You_TeaFool 'n
          EBBer PoPulAr Sarah de Lovley

P.S.

(just remember what happened to your unforunate, predecessor, the late S.C.-I when he failed to live up to my modest expectations. tragic, really...)

HaB a MeRRee KrISmUs 'n a Wondrous Woofmas!

- S.dL.