Deer Sandy Claws,

Dis is Merlin 'n Sarah. You may member dat for de last few yeers we have sent you hour ledder on de AiredaLe listey, butt dis yeer we did everthin de rite way. Sarah 'n me gotted some papper 'n sum pensils 'n sum envylopes, 'n we diddent evin eet dem. Then we bothe writed you gud ledders 'n put dem in de envylopes 'n we *still* diddent eet dem. An den we sneekEd out to de poss offis 'n we maled dem. We were so proud of ourselfs.

Butt today dey camed backey.

WhuT iz posTage?

Sew its us. Again. We half to rite to you on de Airedaley listey agin, 'n we no dat you will getty dis ledder sents you must reed dis listey cause alla de important hoomans do ....

Hello, Sandy Claws,

Dis iz Merlin, 'n once more let me tell you how sorree I am bout last Chrismus. Dat red Suitey confuzed me, 'n Sarah 'n I thouGht dat you wuz steelin stuffies when we saw you eated de kookies on de mantel 'n drinked de milk. Mebbe we bedder not menshun inny moar about dis one, butt you wont need dat pepper spray for us again dis year. I promise.

I hav been a *VERRRRY* gud ADT dis yeer, 'n I diddent dew nothin badd at all. No acksidents in de housey. I wUz reel nise to Sarah 'n onlee beeted her upp whin she aTtackeded me firs -- I eben letted her playe wiff my toyz. I did acksidently eet a few thingies but dey wuz knot importint -- like a cupple of steaks dat Wuz leff on de kiTschen kounter 'n a cake 'n sum tuRkee 'n sum ham dat my hoomans lost on de kitschen counter. But they needed 2 be eeted innway 'n like I said dey wuz acksidints.

Scents I hav ben sew gud dis yeer, pleeze bringey me mi own chikkin -- a reeeeel bigg one. A cow 'n a piggy wood be reel nisce, too, all cutted up 'n reddy 2 eat. N could you pleeze briGey me a whole Boxx of uzed kleeeenex chew upp, becaws dey is tastey. 'N finalley could you pleeze Bring me 'n Sarah our own Kar-kar to ride in? It dozent hav 2 be reel new, but we bothe wantey won, so if you Bringey me won, Isle share wif Sarah.

Thank you verry verry verrey mutch,

Yore pal,
      Melin daWunda Dale

Santa its all Merlins fault. HE made me be meen 2 him alla de year, 'n bark alla de time, 'n be reel bossey, 'n eet mommmmmy's glasses 'n chue up Nickolas's shoe, 'n swipe stuff 'n hide dem in mie kratey, 'n get up on de table 'n eat every thingey dat time, 'n ... well you get de pikshur. Its all Merlins faultey. An I wuz reel gud 'n perfect. I was even sorta civil to Merlin at least three times dis year, or mebbe eben four.

I have been VERY beauty-full dis yeear 'n I deserve lots ov toyes. So dis year I wanT *all* of Merlin's toyes 'n bones 'n sticks 'n everthing, 'n I want you to locke him up in hiz kratey forevver 'n gib me de key. 'N I wante sum new stuff dis year, too! I wantey my own refriggerator full of people fud what I kan go eatey inny tim I wante. 'n I wanT mie own brand new kar-kar so dat I kin go out 'n ridey innit inny time dat I wanna -- you make Shure dat its a kar-kar what bad ole Merlin kant get into! Dat will teech him. Finally I wantey a *small* boy ADT dat I will be able 2 beet up inny time I wantey. Merlin is jes too big 2 beet up when he dozent dew what I tell him.

Since I am sew beauty-full 'n wunderful 'n perfik, I nose that you will bringey me alla de thingies I asked for, but if you gots inny extra stuff, just bring that, too!

Oh yeah, pleease 'n thanks.

The sweet, lovabul, 'n perfect,
      Sarah Endipitty Doo-dah Dale