As it has been made clear from several comments and discussions on the various Airedale lists over the last few months that some of us (and we won't name any names here) are having less than stunning success with the "greetings" our ADT's are bestowing on the unwary visitors here at the holidays, Merlin, Sarah, Obidiah and I have decided to let the rest of the ADT world in on a few little secrets which may be of some use during the upcoming holiday season.

1. First the guests should be well-prepared. Personally I like to stand to one side of the room and politely yell, "Here come the Airedales."

2. After the ADT's have entered the room and made first contact with your guests, offer to help the guests up off the floor. It may be necessary to restrain a few of the ADT's who are quietly dancing on the guests' legs, but this is a petty annoyance which will be soon forgotten during the holiday merriment.

3. Now that the initial ice has been broken and "first contact" has been made, encourage the guests to interact with your ADT's by suggesting a little playtime. Our personal favorite is to hand a more timid guest a tug toy with a 95-pound ADT attached firmly to he other end. Only occasionally do we have to summon paramedics for the guests, as most successfully complete this activity with nothing more stressful than a dislocated shoulder or a compound fracture of the radius and the ulna.

4. Food can also be a pleasant source of human-ADT interaction, and at our home we find it easiest to serve the ADT's at their own places at the table interspersed among the guests. There are few sights during the holidays so heartwarming as a guest sharing what's left of his or her dinner with our Airedales as our ADT's skillfully and politely steal food from the guests' plates, silverware, and/or mouths. We once had the most charming tug-of-war with a leg of mutton at ... I think it was a St. Swithon's day banquet.

5. Finally, no matter how delightful the evening, the time will come when the guest wishes to retire — either to return to his own home or to your guest room. We generally find this a good time to remove what's left of his or her personal belongings from the backs of Merlin's, Sarah's, and Obidiah's crates. Sometimes their belongings are hardly damaged at all. One word of caution is in order here, however. In general it is not a good idea to allow all of the ADT's to climb into the guest's bed more than half an hour before the overnight guest retires for the evening. That is, of course, unless the guest claims particularly great skill at wrestling for the blankets.

Copyrite © 2002 by Merlin daWunda Dale, all rights reserved. Reprinted with permission.

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Tune in next time for our discussion of "Polite ways to prevent your ADT's from attempting to 'help' should your house guests attempt to shower, bathe, use the rest room, engage in [ahem] S*X or other activities generally considered more or less 'private' or 'personal'."