Last year, the selection of holiday Airedale songs was so popular that as many as four (4) different people actually viewed it, possibly by accident. So again this year, despite popular request, here the page is back with renewed vim, vigor, and vitality ... not to mention a few new family favorites of ours.

If you don't know the tunes, don't worry - no matter what the tune you use to sing one of theses, pretty soon your Airedale will join in to "help", and it won't matter anyway. And in case you are wondering whether Merlin, Sarah, and Obidiah ("Obi") celebrate Christmas or Hannukah, the ansswer is both, since they celebrate the season of "Woofmas". To restate what Merlins said about it last year:

"If you don't celebrate both of those, you miss a good chance to get lots of toys, treats, and hooman fud."

What more can I say...

So without further ado, here are Merlin's top picks for the Woofmas season, 2002:

(Note: despite the fact that Merlin is no longer with us in body, Sarah and Obi have voted to keep the page unchanged ... Probably because they think that by doing so they increase the time which I have to shop for and wrap their many, many Woofmas presents.)

High on the Housetop
(To the tune of "High on the Housetop")

High on the housetop, Airedale paws
  Chase after old Sandy Claws,
Up on the housetop, quick, quick, quick!
  Run from the Airedales with good Saint Nick.
No, no, no, Don't wanna' go,
  No, no, no, Don't wanna' go
Up on the housetop, quick, quick, quick!
  Run from the Airedales with good Saint Nick.

Livin' Here with Twenty-Three Airedales
(To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland")

Airedales sing, are you list'nin'?
  Eyes and teeth are a'glist'nen.
A real scarey thought,
  The stuff I have wrought,
    Livin' here with twenty-three Airedales.

Black and tan, that's their color,
  Twenty-three, that's their number
They howl all the night
  I'm glad they don't fight,
    Livin' here with twenty-three Airedales.

In the basement I've an old bomb shelter,
  Sometimes I sleep there when they are loud.
But they come and wake me in the morning,
  And wag because it makes them feel so proud.

Later on I'll retire
  And I'll hide near the fire
To face I'm afraid
  Th'estate I have made,
    Livin' here with twenty-three Airedales.

Airedales We Have Heard at Night
(To the tune of "Angels We Have Heard on High")

Airedales we have heard at night
  Moan and give us all a fright.
And they don't wake up at all,
  Wish they'd sleep out in the hall.

I'd like to stay asleep,
  Not wake up with howls,
    In the middle of the night.
Yes, I really mean it.
I'd like to stay asleep,
  Precious, blessed sleep
    Though the Airedales howl at night.
Every, single, noisy night.

Silent ’Dale
(To the tune of "Silent Night")

Silent ’Dale, Sneaky ’Dale,
  Stealthily on the trail
Of a cookie or maybe a roast,
  Even old hotdogs as hard as a post
He will find a good treat.
  He will find a good treat.

The Twelve Days of Woofmas
(To the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas")

On the first day of Woofmas,
 My Airedale gave to me
  A hard HEADBUTT right on my knee.

On the second day of Woofmas,
 My Airedale gave to me
  Two TUCKBUTTRUNS
  And a hard HEADBUTT right on my knee.

On the third day of Woofmas,
 My Airedale gave to me
  Three BEDFLOPS
  Two TUCKBUTTRUNS
  And a hard HEADBUTT right on my knee.

On the fourth day of Woofmas,
 My Airedale gave to me
  Four BIGCROTCHPOKES
  Three BEDFLOPS
  Two TUCKBUTTRUNS
  And a hard HEADBUTT right on my knee.

On the fifth day of Woofmas,
 My Airedale gave to me
  Five globs of SNOOL
  Four BIGCROTCHPOKES
  Three BEDFLOPS
  Two TUCKBUTTRUNS
  And a hard HEADBUTT right on my knee.

On the sixth day of Woofmas,
 My Airedale gave to me
  Six SMARMEHIGHSTEPS
  Five globs of SNOOL
  Four BIGCROTCHPOKES
  Three BEDFLOPS
  Two TUCKBUTTRUNS
  And a hard HEADBUTT right on my knee.

On the seventh day of Woofmas,
 My Airedale gave to me
  Seven COUNTERSURFINGS
  Six SMARMEHIGHSTEPS
  Five globs of SNOOL
  Four BIGCROTCHPOKES
  Three BEDFLOPS
  Two TUCKBUTTRUNS
  And a hard HEADBUTT right on my knee.

On the eight day of Woofmas,
 My Airedale gave to me
  Eight FOODHOUNDSHUFFLES
  Seven COUNTERSURFINGS
  Six SMARMEHIGHSTEPS
  Five globs of SNOOL
  Four BIGCROTCHPOKES
  Three BEDFLOPS
  Two TUCKBUTTRUNS
  And a hard HEADBUTT right on my knee.

On the ninth day of Woofmas,
 My Airedale gave to me
  Nine GROWFING FARTBUTTS
  Eight FOODHOUNDSHUFFLES
  Seven COUNTERSURFINGS
  Six SMARMEHIGHSTEPS
  Five globs of SNOOL
  Four BIGCROTCHPOKES
  Three BEDFLOPS
  Two TUCKBUTTRUNS
  And a hard HEADBUTT right on my knee.

On the tenth day of Woofmas,
 My Airedale gave to me
  Ten FASTFOODFACEWIPES
  Nine GROWFING FARTBUTTS
  Eight FOODHOUNDSHUFFLES
  Seven COUNTERSURFINGS
  Six SMARMEHIGHSTEPS
  Five globs of SNOOL
  Four BIGCROTCHPOKES
  Three BEDFLOPS
  Two TUCKBUTTRUNS
  And a hard HEADBUTT right on my knee.

On the eleventh day of Woofmas,
 My Airedale gave to me
  Eleven HEYYOUBIGBARKS
  Ten FASTFOODFACEWIPES
  Nine GROWFING FARTBUTTS
  Eight FOODHOUNDSHUFFLES
  Seven COUNTERSURFINGS
  Six SMARMEHIGHSTEPS
  Five globs of SNOOL
  Four BIGCROTCHPOKES
  Three BEDFLOPS
  Two TUCKBUTTRUNS
  And a hard HEADBUTT right on my knee.

On the twelfth day of Woofmas,
 My Airedale gave to me
  Twelve HAIRYDOGHUGS
  Eleven HEYYOUBIGBARKS
  Ten FASTFOODFACEWIPES
  Nine GROWFING FARTBUTTS
  Eight FOODHOUNDSHUFFLES
  Seven COUNTERSURFINGS
  Six SMARMEHIGHSTEPS
  Five globs of SNOOL
  Four BIGCROTCHPOKES
  Three BEDFLOPS
  Two TUCKBUTTRUNS
  And a hard HEADBUTT right on my knee.

Kitty Rides!
(To the tune of "Jingle Bells" ... with Refrain)

Dashing through the house,
  With the kitty in your jaws,
Your footies strike the floor,
  Like four enormous paws.
The kitty likes his ride,
  And you enjoy it too,
So then you run outside
  When you have pranced the house all though

Ohhhhh! Kitty rides, kitty rides,
  You both like them a lot.
The kitty likes to bounce in there,
  And yes, you like to trot. Oh!
Kitty rides, kitty rides!
  You cannot get enough!
And so when kitty George gets tired,
  You go grab kitty Puff!

O Tuckbuttrun!
(To the tune of "O Tannenbaum")

O Tuckbuttrun, O Tuckbuttrun,
  We fear you most of all.
And what's the place we fear you most?
  Why it's the upstairs hall.
That hall, once filled with brick-a-brack
  Has now become the Dale race track.
O Tuckbuttrun, O Tuckbuttrun,
  We fear you most of all.

Bark the Hairy Airedales Sing
(To the tune of "Hark the Herald Angel Sings")

Bark the hairy Airedales sing,
  Telling us important things
Garbage men now steal our stuff,
  D'livery folks bring stuff to us.
Loud are all the Airedales crys
  Raising rooftops to the skies,
Choruses of great Airedales
  Bark a lot, with wagging tails,
Bark! the hairy Airedales sing
  Then they will chew up everything.

Good Dale Merlin
(To the tune of "Good King Wenceslas")

Good Dale Merlin ate the food
  That was on the table.
Then he surfed the counter, too
  Fast as he was able.
Merlin is a good boy, though —
  Did not do it meanly.
Aroma of turkey fresh
  Tickled his nose keenly.

Away in a Kenneli
(To the tune of "Away in a Manger")

Away in a kennel, the Airedales were not.
  They slept on the sofa, or maybe a cot.
When it got cold inside they snuck to our bed.
  They stole all our blankets, and silently fled.

The Airedale and the Kitty
(To the tune of "The Holly and the Ivy")

The Airedale and the kitty
  When they've become good friends
Of all the foes that are in our house
  None is quite so bold as those.

The kitty knocks the stuff off,
  Yes from those tall, tall shelves,
And then the sweet Airedale carries it
  Out to share with his friend Puff.

The Little ’Daler Boy
(To the tune of "The Little Drummer Boy")

Obi said to me, I must go outside
    (must go outside)
  I need to dig a hole, so let's go outside
    (let's go outside)
The biggest hole I can dig in the back yard
    (in the back yard)
  Because I am a pup, a baby Airedale
    (who likes to dig deep, and has big paws).
So I must go dig, I must go outside
    (must go outside)
  I must go dig

I looked at Obi and I said "No way."
    (I said "No way.")
  You've dug too many holes, so no trip outside
    (no trip outside)
My car fell into one, it really was big
    (really was big)
  So big our house now sits right there on the edge
    (it could fall in, could be destroyed).
Then I took him out, but just on a leash
    (just on a leash)
  We went outside

  

I'm Dreaming of a Calm Christmas
(To the tune of "White Christmas")

I'm dreaming of a calm Christmas,
  Like those my Airedale won't allow.
Where the tree stays lit-up
  Without a hiccup,
From Airedales pulling off the lights.

I'm dreaming of a calm Christmas,
  With Airedales sleeping on the bed.
But those ’Dales will open up all,
  Of those presents hidden in the hall.

O Come All Ye ’Dale Folk
(To the tune of "Adeste Fideles")

O come all ye ’Dale folk,
  Show your bumps and bruises,
Contusions, scrapes, nicks, and cuts,
  And las-ce-ra-tions.
Caused by your Airedales,
  Though they did not mean to...

Avoid the mighty HEADBUTT,
  Eschew the pow'rful NOSEPOKE,
Evade the dreaded PAWSLAP,
  And JAWS-OF-DEATH.

The First Aouuu
(To the tune of "The First Noel")

The first sneaky trick
  the Airedale did do
Was to eat daddy's glasses
  and chew mommy's shoe.

And when he did see
  he had eaten them all
He tore up the new carpet
  and barfed in the hall.

Aouu, A-o-o-ouu,
  Aouu, a-a-o-uu-uu
Airedales are sneakier
  than I or you.

O sleeping ’Dale there in my chair
(To the tune of "Joy to the World")

O sleeping ’Dale there in my chair
  I wish that you would lie
Upon the floor or in the hall
  Or somewhere else close by.

Yet there you lie in my chair,
  Taking up all my space.
And I must find some other place
  To rest, or else loose face.

Good Airedale Folk Rejoice
(To the tune of "Good Christian Folk Rejoice")

Good Airedale folk rejoice
  And sing with one proud voice,
Show your bumps and bruises,
  Abraisions and contusions,
Fractures and your simple sprains
  And tell of your most awful pains,
Caused by all your ’Dales,
  Caused by all your ’Dales.

(Not sure whether this next one belongs in this group or the final one. But Merlin said to leave it here, so we did.)

Jolly Old Airedaleans
(To the tune of "Jolly Old Saint Nicholas")

Jolly old Airedaleans
  Came here in their ships,
Saucers of both black and tan
  And with those sloppy lips.

Those Airedaleans were smart
  They hid underground.
So when we go out at night,
  The Airedale spies abound.

Songs from other religions...

OK, I admit it: I don't actually know any. But someone was kind enought to send me this one last year... Now if I could just remember who it was...

This is my Airedale
(To the tune of "This Is My Dreidl")

This is my Airedale
  I made him out of clay.
And when my Airedale's ready,
  Then with him I will play.

Non-religious songs...

After numerous requests (3 complaints, 2 questions, 9 threats, 1 measley bribe) we realized that some folks don't celebrate any holiday at the end of the year, so here are a couple of non-religious tunes to satisfy them as well...

We Gather Together
(To the tune of "We Gather Together")

We gather together to order a pizza
  We want one with anchovies, and extra cheese
And if we don't get it in less than thirty minutes,
  We'd like three dollars off; better yet, make it free!

Our pizza just came, and it has the wrong toppings
  We ordered anchovies with some extra cheese
But we got pineapple and some sun-dried tomatoes –
  We do not want this one, and we'd like our dough back.

Aire-Can
(To the tune of 'The Can-Can Dance', with Refrain, by Jacques Offenbach)

All the Airedales in our house
  Are just as quiet as a mouse
Never, ever do they bark,
  Or start to howling after dark.
And they don't dig holes in our yard,
  Or chew our couch's legs too hard.
Never bite,
  Never fight,
    Never growl,
      Never howl ... Oooooh

  (Refrain) [with trombones if possible]

  I would like to get just one more Airedale,
    Yes another Airedale,
      Because they take up so little space here.
  I would like to get just one more Airedale,
    Yes another Airedale,
      Because they are very dear.

  (Repeat Refrain) [with tuba this time]

Airedales who rest in our den
  Are far, far neater than a pin,
They don't chew our stuff all up,
  No not even that little pup.
And they don't really eat that much
  Or ever human food or such.
Never eat,
  Really neat,
    Really sweet,
      Little feet ... Oooooh

  (Repeat Refrain) [please do not use bagpipes]

Airedales never shed at home,
  Or even if they start to roam.
Yes they are fastidious,
  And not one is a Gloomy-Gus.
Yes Airedales always come when called,
  Don't worry you or make you bald.
Never shed,
  Stay off bed,
    Fuzzy head,
      Seldom fed ... Oooooh

  (Repeat Refrain) [this time with bagpipes]

Hey, wait a minute! This is Obi. How come I don't get my picture on this page? Is it just ’cause I'm the littlest one? Or is it because I don't have any fancy headgear to wear!?!?!? That's not fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

C'mon, be fair or I'll ... I'll ... I'll howl ... and I'll chew up stuff ... OK, more stuff than usual ... and I'll take a whiz on that big tree you hoomans put in the den, too ...

I'm family! I deserve to have my picture on this page, too!

If there are any nice hoomans out there, you write my hooman dad an’ tell him that I ought to get to have my picture on this page, too!

All right already, Mr. Fussbudget... enough. Twelve thousand letters so far today (all — strangely enough — originating from your Yahoo account...) In the spirit of the season, here's your picture ...

Satisfied?

Gee, dad, something a little more recent would've been nicer, maybe something after my eyes were open ... but thanks anyway ...

 

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